


Who Orders This Crap?

by Zetal (Rodinia)



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Actor Yuri, M/M, Musician Otabek, Otabek's Mischievous Brother and Cousins, Pizza Topping Discourse, Yuri's potty mouth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 06:19:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10893495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodinia/pseuds/Zetal
Summary: Every week for almost six months, Yuri's Friday night has been interrupted by a pizza delivery.  It's not his.  He's complained to the company about their idiotic drivers.  And yet... it's not stopping.Yuri's about had enough.  Time to take matters into his own hands.(Age note: Yuri is 19, Otabek 21)





	Who Orders This Crap?

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this prompt](http://dailyau.tumblr.com/post/160274120911/your-pizza-keeps-getting-delivered-to-my-house-by) from @DailyAU on Tumblr.
> 
> "Your pizza keeps getting delivered to my house by mistake and I need to talk to you about your choice of toppings AU"

It was Friday night, and Yuri was sitting by the door to his apartment building. Every week, without fail, a pizza delivery guy would show up with a pizza for some fucker named Otabek Altin. Every week, without fail, the delivery guy would insist that he was at the address he was given. And every week, without fail, Yuri would have to explain the difference between Angus Lane and Angus Circle.

Whoever this Otabek guy is, he’d better appreciate the fact that Yuri knew the difference.

Sure enough, here came the delivery boy. “Hey there! Got a medium jalapeño, pineapple, sausage, olive, and anchovy for Otabek!”

Yuri gagged. “You’re kidding me, right? What’s really on that pizza?”

“That’s…" He checked the ticket. "That's what it says. I’m not judging, man, you do you.”

“Look. Selim, right? I know your name now. I know your name because you’re here at least twice a month. I have explained to you every. Single. Time. This is 202 Angus Lane. You want 202 Angus Circle. It’s just around the corner. But tell you what." Yuri pulled out his wallet. "Here’s 20 bucks. Give me the pizza, I’m taking it to him. Because I need to know what the fuck kind of person would order this shit.”

Selim hesitated, drawing the pizza back. “I dunno, man, I don’t wanna lose my job by delivering the pizza to the wrong guy.”

“If that were true you’d learn the fucking difference. Gimme the damn pizza.” Yuri slapped a 20-dollar bill into Selim’s hand and took the pizza.

Yuri pounded on the door at Otabek’s place. He had to blink a couple times when it opened. The guy who answered it was ridiculously hot, yes. He also looked almost exactly like Selim the Pizza Delivery Boy. Short, stocky build, freaking buff, same dark eyes and tan skin, they even had the same undercut. This guy’s hair was a little longer, and he was wearing ripped black jeans and a black muscle shirt instead of a dorky pizza delivery uniform, but it really took him a minute. “Your own fucking twin can’t find your place?”

The guy – Otabek, Yuri assumed – was staring at him with his mouth hanging open. “Wow. I thought Selim was messing with me.”

“He is. Keeps delivering your pizza to my place.” Yuri held out the box.

The guy didn't move to take it. He just kept staring at Yuri like a starstruck fan. “No, I mean… that first time, when I’d just moved here, it was an honest mistake and then he found you there. I didn’t believe him.”

“Huh?”

“Yuri Plisetsky. The actor.”

“Yeah, I know who I am." Then he realized. "How do _you_ know who I am?”

Weird Pizza Guy sighed, but he didn't look surprised or disappointed at all. “You don’t remember me. I didn't think you would. I quit acting after that summer camp, went into music instead. I’m much better at it. But yeah, we were at summer camp together, like eight years ago.”

Yuri remembered the summer camp eight years ago. You'd think he'd remember the hot guy, but Yuri couldn't place him at all. “And you remembered me all this time?”

Weird Pizza Guy smiled softly. “I could never forget you. Youngest kid in camp, and you got the lead role – and deservedly so. I knew that from the first time I saw your eyes.”

“My… eyes?” That seemed a little... weird.

“Yuri Plisetsky had the eyes of a soldier. Nothing was going to stop him from achieving his dreams.”

Yuri rolled his eyes and scoffed, but he was hiding a smile. “Yeah, well, I haven’t made it to Broadway yet.”

“Yet.” Weird Pizza Guy took the pizza from him. “Otabek. If you didn’t hear it a million times. Are you busy, or do you want to come in and help me eat dinner?”

Yuri made a face. “I am not touching that disgusting mess.”

Otabek chuckled softly. “Selim owes me twenty bucks. I’m not eating this disgusting mess either. I cooked spaghetti.”

“Wait, what?”

Otabek started walking into the house, and Yuri followed out of curiosity. “Selim’s my twin brother, Turlan’s an uncle, Tahir and Nurbike and Gulsara are cousins. My family owns the pizza place. Like I said, the first few times, it was an honest mistake. Then Selim made a joke about luring you over here to tell me off, and I started ordering weird pizzas.” Otabek dumped the pizza in the kitchen trash can and grabbed plates for the spaghetti. “It worked, too. Eventually.”

Yuri shook his head. That seemed like a lot of trouble to go to just to say hi to someone you used to know. “What was so hard about just coming over and reintroducing yourself?”

“I was about to. It’s just.." Otabek gave a sheepish shrug. "I had a bet with Selim that this would, eventually, work, and I hate losing.”

“For twenty bucks? You know, you’d have saved a lot of money by just losing the bet months ago.”

“Yeah, but then I’d have lost. Now I get to be the obnoxious brother who rubs things in for the next year.”

Otabek’s spaghetti turned out to be perfectly normal and very good, and there was garlic bread and salad to go with it. The doorbell rang as they were finishing up dinner. Otabek went to answer it and Yuri followed to see who it was. It turned out to be Selim. “Hey, bro. Anything interesting happen today?”

“My idiot brother showed up at my house for no apparent reason. That’s always a bit frightening. Why are you here?”

Selim spread his hands and put on a very fake innocent look. “Can’t I just want to hang out with my brother?”

“When it’s Friday night and I know damn well Nazokat’s playing at the restaurant tonight, so you’re missing a chance to drool over her? No, you can’t.”

Selim chuckled and shrugged. “Did you get your pizza? Some blond guy stole it from me when I was out to deliver it.”

“Yes, I got my pizza. Finally there’s a delivery guy who knows where I live. You owe me twenty bucks.”

“I owe him twenty bucks, too. He still here?”

Yuri came out now. “You owe me money?”

“Sure. Unless Beka here has already paid you back, in which case I guess I owe him forty.”

Otabek stared in disbelief. “You actually took his money? Why?”

“I wouldn't have, but he didn’t exactly give me much choice, bro.”

Otabek looked at Yuri, who nodded. “I didn’t. It was worth the twenty bucks to find out what kind of idiot gets anchovies and pineapple on the same fucking pizza.”

Selim handed Otabek two twenties. “I’m headed back to the store and Nazokat. You boys have fun.”

Otabek folded his arms and glared. “This boy is older than you!”

“By a whole twelve minutes.”

“A very important twelve minutes!”

“Yeah, whatever you say, old fart.” Selim winked at Yuri and turned to leave.

Otabek shook his head as Selim headed off. “I was born five minutes before midnight. He was born seven minutes after. It freaks people out that we’re twins who don’t have the same birthday.”

“That’s… yeah, that’s kinda weird.” Yuri took the money Otabek held out to him. “Can I expect another pizza next week?”

Otabek shoved his hands into his pockets and looked away from Yuri. “Depends. If I order something normal, will you come over and help me eat it?”

“Get a large if I’m gonna do that." A thought occurred to Yuri. "But first, define normal.” This one had been a joke, but there'd been quite a few weird ones over the months. Yuri wanted to be sure.

“Pepperoni? Hawaiian? Spinach and mushroom? What do you like on pizza?”

Yuri thought quickly. He didn't eat a whole lot of pizza, so he didn't have an immediate answer. “Sausage, onion, and black olives.”

“Sounds good to me." Otabek glanced over at Yuri. "Next week then?”

“Yeah. Of course, if you wanna get together sometime before then, or chat…” Yuri reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his cell phone. “Put your number in.” He offered the phone to Otabek, who took it and programmed his contact information and then texted himself. "See you soon."

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are like pineapple on pizza. It's always better with. :)


End file.
